Someone Invent a Better Pee Cup!

Isn’t there a better way for a woman to give a pee sample? Who is it that thought a little Dixie® cup or a container the size of a Dixie® cup could do the job efficiently? It couldn’t have been a woman.

I am 56 years old and I have given my fair share of urine samples – in fact, more than the average woman, I’m sure. I’ve been blessed with two autoimmune diseases so I’m regularly at the lab to give blood and urine samples.

Here’s my beef: What the hell! I don’t know where my pee is coming from! I have no idea where to put the cup! I know, you’re thinking, “Crikey! She’s 56 and doesn’t know where her pee is coming from?” Yes. You’re exactly right. I know it’s coming from my crotch, of course (I’m not an imbecile), but that’s all I know.

I can’t be the only woman with this complaint, can I?

How many times have I had to clean the urine off my hands after mis-aiming my specimen cup? Or, I think I have my cup lined up perfectly and then I hear my urine splashing into the water of the toilet bowl. How frustrating! After filling the cup, I always have to wipe down the collection cup with paper towels. Don’t you?

My thighs are thick and that, of course, adds to my aggravation. (In both giving urine samples and buying jeans.) I can hardly get my cup-holding hand down between my legs let alone see what I’m doing down there or where my cup is. It’s a hit or miss – mostly miss.

My burden is worsened by the fact that I have a neurogenic bladder which causes me to pee when I’m not prepared to and not be able to pee when I’m supposed to be giving a sample. (Something to do with my bladder and sphincter muscles not communicating.) So, when I void I need to bear down on my lower abdomen with my forearm in order to force the pee out of my bladder. At home I can use both forearms to do this. When peeing into a cup, I only have one limb available. So, left arm pressed against my abdomen and right hand searing blindly for my urethra. This is a lot to do.

I will tell you that over the decades my ability to capture my pee has improved somewhat.

Just recently I learned that I have much better success if I pull my pants all the way down to my ankles. This has helped me spread my knees as far apart as they’ll go, giving me a better vew of my cup-holding hand. Certainly, with you folks who have thick thighs like mine, this is a must. (I confess that even with my knees spread apart as far as my jeans will allow, the tops of my thighs are still touching. So while my view of my cup has improved, it’s still limited.) It’s mostly still a shot in the dark for me.

I’m really proud of myself now though. Just last week I had to provide a urine sample and I was actually able squeeze enough pee out to reach the line on the cup indicating the least amount of urine the lab techs needed for a good sample. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to take an empty specimen cup home with me or return to the lab a few hours later because I was unsuccessful in collecting a sufficient amount of urine.

I’ve always had a shy bladder. Oftentimes in public restrooms I’ve needed to have water running in the sink to get a flow started. But providing a urine sample? That’s a lot of pressure. Your bladder is being called upon to perform. My bladder happens to suffer from not just being shy, but acute stage fright and performance anxiety. No joke.

Why can’t the manufacturers, along with the labs and medical facilities and other buyers of these sample cups, hold some focus groups with women users to develop a new and better collection container? May I suggest some sort of long vessel that covers a woman’s entire crotch? ✿