Scaredy Cat, Part 3

The Graveyard Hoax

Do you like scary movies and suspenseful books? Do you like being scared and scaring people? When I was young, and even today, I would answer, “Yes, yes, yes and yes!”

—   —   —

We found all sorts of unique ways to entertain ourselves during that summer up north. On an unusually chilly summer afternoon, I am in the small rural town of Naubinway, Michigan with my friends Charlotte, Brad, Bob and Kenny when we decide to check out an old cemetery in a small clearing in the woods off of State Route 2. It is so interesting, walking among the neglected tombstones and the weather-worn wooden crosses that served as grave markers where there was no tombstone. I’m curious about all the headstones for so many young children, sometimes entire families, who died in 1918. (Later I learn that the deaths are due to the influenza pandemic that year.)

It’s eerie, strolling over the uneven ground, kicking through the overgrown grass, and then suddenly realizing you’re standing on someone’s grave marker. We split up as we explore the different markers, hollering when we see something unusual. Other than the infrequent calls to each other, we remain respectfully silent.

We finally converge back together at a family plot that’s surrounded by a wrought iron fence. A prominent family in this small town, no doubt.

“Hey, I have an idea,” Brad says. “After the dance tonight, let’s all come back here, when it’s dark.” He warms to his own idea, adding, “We can scare everyone! We can set up some things…”

Kenny takes over. “Yeah, we could come back earlier than the others and each of us hide behind a tree! They’ll piss their pants!”

Together, Charlotte and I shake our heads. I think I’m speaking for both of us when I say, “There’s no way I’m going to hide behind some tree by myself in a cemetery at night!”

“Me neither,” Charlotte agrees. “Plus, Caroline just saw The Exorcist last week and she’d be petrified walking through a graveyard.” Caroline is Charlotte’s younger sister. She’s my age. How come she gets to see an R-rated movie when she’s only thirteen?

“Well,” Brad says, “How about you and Jill pretend like you don’t know anything about what’s going to happen tonight and then Charlotte, you can walk with Caroline, so she won’t be so scared. Or, after the dance, on the way to the cemetery, Caroline could be dropped off at your cabin if she doesn’t want to come. Or, if she wants to come but then is too afraid once she gets here, she can wait out in the car.” They all seemed like viable options to me. Plus, I didn’t want to be the only girl in on this.

“I guess one of those will work,” Charlotte shrugs.

Kenny suggests we do some recognizance. We walk through the cemetery again, this time, paying more attention to the layout of the cemetery, the hills, holes and valleys, the upturned tombstones and anything else that could be a tripping hazard, so Charlotte and I will have a better idea on the parts of the cemetery to avoid when we return later that night steering the others when the only light will be from the moon. We figure that by getting the lay of the land during the day, it also won’t be so scary for Charlotte and me, walking through this desolate graveyard in the dead of night. Right. I’m giving myself the creeps.

There are a few good-sized trees in the cemetery that the boys can hide behind tonight. Of the few upright tombstones in the cemetery, all of them – other than the one in the fenced-in family plot — are too small to provide adequate coverage. We decide which trees the boys will hide behind so Charlotte and I can steer the midnight strollers over toward them.

It’s decided that the hidden co-conspirators will grab at, blow on, or do whatever they can to elicit a scream from our prey.

Finally, we decide where we’ll park to enter the cemetery when we come back later on.

At the teen dance tonight, that my mom and dad and Aunt Mary Ellen and Uncle Tom happen to be chaperoning, one of us will suggest that at eleven o’clock, when the dance ends, we all head over to the Naubinway cemetery for a midnight stroll. The other four of us will act excited about the idea and squash the arguments of any nay-sayers.

Then, the five of us have to make sure we’re all in the same car to drive over here because we’ll have to leave earlier than the other cars so we can set up. The three guys will hide, and Charlotte and I will wait in the car for the others. We’re hoping that since it will be dark out and there are so many of us, no one will question why Brad, Kenny and Bob aren’t with us.

Our devious plot (pun intended) finalized, we head back to the club and our respective cabins.

—   —   —

Almost everything works like a charm.

That night at the club’s teen dance, Brad is the one to suggest to all our friends that we head over to the cemetery for a haunted walk. Everyone seems eager, with the exception of Caroline.

Charlotte confides in me that she had to divulge our plan to Caroline because she knew there would be no way to convince her to walk through the cemetery. Caroline will ride along with us and our “ghosts” to the cemetery. Sounds fine to me.

Objective One: Done.

Securing the five cemetery day-trippers into one vehicle that will be leaving the dance early is more of a challenge. Earlier, we had been thinking that we’d have to come up with some excuse for why we have to leave before the others. We have both an excuse and an opportunity available to us. First, if we’re asked why we’re leaving before everyone else is ready, we’ll explain that Caroline doesn’t want to go to the cemetery and we’re leaving early so we can drop her at her cabin and arrive at the cemetery at the same time as everyone else. This is kind of a stretch considering it would take less than a minute to drop Caroline off at her cabin — you pass right by it on your way to the cemetery.

Every other Friday night during the summer, the Hiawatha Sportsman’s Club holds a teen dance in its rec center. Think Boy Scout mess hall, not country club. The dances are supposedly only open to the teenaged children of club members but there are always crashers from the nearby towns of Engadine and Naubinway. Usually at the dances, the teens are expected to help clean up – fold and stack chairs, throw away trash. If you’re a crasher, you usually either don’t know about this expectation or you flagrantly disregard it. Either way, my friends will end up having to clean up the crashers’ messes too. They’ll feel an extra obligation tonight, since my parents are chaperoning. This will give us, the fiendish fivesome plus one, a perfect opportunity to cut out early. I don’t anticipate any problem sneaking past my parents and into the night. Ditching my cousins, Susan and Molly, will be trickier. But I’m up for the challenge.

Objective Two: Done.

—   —   —

We arrive at the cemetery and dispatch the three boys to their assigned trees.

Charlotte, Caroline and I wait in the car. It’s pretty cold out, but that’s not the only reason I’m shivering. This is spooky! It is pitch black outside! I was counting on a lot of star and moonlight. I don’t know about Charlotte, but I’m have some serious misgivings about having to walk through this cemetery.

Ten minutes pass and we’re starting to question why we left so early. Ten more minutes pass and we start wondering what’s taking everyone so long to get here.

Finally, a second and third car arrive. The three of us get out of the car, shielding our eyes from the onslaught of high beams.

Before he’s even completely out of the driver’s seat of the first car, Terry asks, “Where are Bob, Kenny and Brad?” So much for no one noticing…

I am completely awed by Charlotte’s immediate response. “We were waiting so long, they went into the woods to pee.” She is pretty convincing, and for all we know, she’s telling the truth. That’s what they might be doing behind their respective trees. At any rate, the important thing is that Terry and the others seem convinced.

Objective Three: A minor hiccup, but Done.

—   —   —

Charlotte preempts anyone from entering the cemetery willy-nilly. “Hey, you guys!’ She hollers. “Jill, Caroline and I think this is the best way to enter the cemetery. Let’s all go in together so it’s not so scary.” She points to a slight incline that I see now, is next to a steeper, six-foot hill. The top of the steeper hill is lined with three headstones. The earth beneath the grave markers appears to have eroded and broken away, making it look less like a hill and more like a cliff. I don’t remember noticing the hill before, let along the headstones. What I don’t understand is why the etchings on the gravestones are facing us, at the bottom of the hill, and not the other way. Don’t they bury bodies in front of headstones? And if they do and if they did, where are the coffins?

I shake away an attempt by the eebie-jeebies to thwart my attempts at being fearless during this godforsaken horror show. I’ll just have to keep my eyes averted from the tombstones and focused on the smaller incline. Our predetermined entry point.

—   —   —

Though we attack the entry en masse, it’s impossible for us to walk together with the uneven earth and scattering of tombstones and grave markers. Did I mention that the grave sites don’t seem to follow any sort of grid or pattern? It’s difficult enough to navigate a pathway during daylight. Surely, at least one of us is going down tonight. I just hope it’s not me.

“We know you’re in here, Brad!” Terry calls, mustering up some bravado. I’m sticking pretty close to Terry because I have grown increasingly frightened – damn those coffin-less graves – and Terry’s body is big enough that I’ll be able to use him as a shield to protect me from any angry demons. If necessary.

The first scream pierces the night. It’s Julie. But she screams all the time. It could be anything; it might not be our “ghosts.” Julie, Cindy, Susan and Molly, of course, will be easy targets. It’s good thinking on the part of our “ghosts” to start with the easy targets before amping up their game on the bigger prey: the guys.

It’s hard to discern where everyone is. I can’t distinguish one tree from another, so I really have no idea which ones are hiding our “ghosts.” In fact, I’m not sure any of our “ghosts” stayed behind his assigned tree. For all I know, this silhouette I’m following isn’t even Terry. It could easily be one of my co-conspirators.

I hear another scream. I think it’s a guy. Now there’s a lot of yelling and movement. I can hear people wrestling and and sliding on dead leaves and damp grass. More screaming, this time girls. Where’s Charlotte? Is she as scared as me?

I’m a bit disoriented. Which way is the exit? I have to get out of here! I hear a whimpering noise and realize it’s coming from me. Our graveyard hoax has come back to haunt me.

Objective Four: Unintended target, but Done.